My brain hurts.

Today, I realised just how sucky a phone system is for IT support. Also, I realised just how close a phone call can drive you to kill a man.

AngryRussian is a regular caller from our Sydney office, and loves to pretend that he knows everything about IT. Change is a horrible force for him, and I'm sure still resents the fall of the Wall. He recently got a new laptop for work, and I was tasked (cursed?) with setting up Outlook for him.

Just to be clear - while AngryRussian has a slight accent, his English is of native-speaker level.

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Me: "Ok, so just type in sydserve into the server name field, and we're done!"
AngryRussian: "sydserve?"
Me: "Ah, sorry. s-y-d-s-e-r-v-e. V for er...vacuum" (I nearly said 'vulva')
AngryRussian: "Ah ok...its not working."
Me: "Oh? you've typed it correctly? s-y-d-s-e-r-v-e?"
AngryRussian: "Oh, a "d"!...ok...still not working."
Me: "s-y-d-s-e-r-"
AngryRussian: "Yes yes as you said it, ok, I got it."
Me: "Oh...ok, sounds like you're not actually on the network. Can you click on Start, run, type in cmd, then push enter for me please?"
AngryRussian: "Yup, ok, black screen is up, Microsoft windows square bracket version 6 point 1 point 2 poi-"
Me: "Ok, that's it! Please type in "i-p-c-o-n-f-i-g, then push enter."
AngryRussian: "Why didn't you just say ipconfig?"
Me: *twitch* "Just being sure. now, in the information that came up, can you see a line that says IP Addre-"
AngryRussian: "C colon slash documents and settings slash my name slash ipconfig, blank line, windows ip configuration, blank lines, wireless lan adapater configur-"
Me: *mini-seizure* "Ok that's great, what's your IP address?"
AngryRussian: *more talking to himself, repeating all info, thankfully he actually has an IP*
Me: "Ok, that's weird. Can you type "ping 192.168.0.1", then push enter for me?"
AngryRussian: "ping192.168.0.1 is not a recognized program or-"
Me: "Sorry, my bad, please put a space after the word ping and the numbers."
AngryRussian:  *mutters* "Should of said that the first time..."
Me: *rage level climbing* "Ok, you see 4 lines come up, yea?"
AngryRussian: "Yea....but why is sydserve coming up?"
Me: "That's the name of the server, it's been like that for at least 2 years."
AngryRussian: "Nono, you said it was sydsereve!"
Me: ".....sydsereve?"
AngryRussian: "yea, s-y-d-s-e-r-e-v-e."
Me: *rage level critical* "No, there's not e after the r."
AngryRussian: "Oh, so it's s-y-d-s-e-r-e-v? That doesn't make any sense"
Me:  "......................................no, s-y-d-s-e-r-v-e." (yes, the pause was that long)
AngryRussian: "Ohhhh! Ok, I'll change it in outlook....it works! God, fucking computers, ay?"
Me: "Ok, all done, I'm going to lunch now, please call <my boss> if you have any more problems" *click*

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It was still mid-morning, and I knew that the rest of the day was to be forever tainted by AngryRussian.

Can't type, can cook.

Correspondence from my mother, not long after I set her computer up. I don't think much else needs to be said.

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On 14 April 2010 19:14, Mum <removed@hotmail.com> wrote:

Hi lamb chop I'm doing ok so far I have been browsing the net and youtube and doing ok I am learning as I am going along. This  email is to let you know that I went to visit D yesterday  to sort out with her the current situation with the pets. We came to an amical AGREEMENT  THEY WILL RING ON THURSDAY NIGHT     AND COME FOR THE WEEKEND. hOW DO i FIX UP THE SHIFT kEY? SO THAT Ii RETURN TO THE PROPER WAY.    aLSO MY TYPING SPACE IS ONLY 5 LINES DEEP HOW DO i FIX THIS? 

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Stuck forever in Caps Lock Hell.