Another month, another project, another new employee.
This month's sucker is AnnoyingOldGuy. Somewhere in his fifties (yes, it's old, deal with it), he's part of the new sales promotion we've got going. He calls clients, organises installs, sorts out dates, and REALLY FUCKING ANNOYS ME.
One day, while we're having email problems - it could be any day, they all seem to mesh together now - he calls me on the phone. He has the habit of calling me up and not telling me the problem, rather preferring to explain it in person, like it's so complicated that the low bandwith of a telephone could not possibly handle this problem's complexity.
---
AnnoyingOldGuy: "Are we having email problems still?"
Me: "Yup, it'll be fixed soonish though."
AOG: "This reminds me of my old company, where we-"
Me: "Gotta go bye!" (He's a storyteller, bores me to tears)
*30 mins pass*
AOG: "I've got an email, why?!"
Me: "Because...someone sent one to you?"
AOG: "But you said email was down!"
Me: "...my job is to fix things, you know."
---
Should I be offended? That he was surprised that things are actually working? :(
Thursday, May 12, 2011
Monday, May 9, 2011
The Interstate Laptop Saga.
*Friday*
TheFuckingFucker (TFF) has finally received a new work laptop. He's been waiting for this for about 6 months; he's utterly convinced that his current laptop is dying, and that he needs a new one "RIGHT FUCKING NOW". Now that it's finally arrived, he can't wait for us to configure it in our VIC office and then send to QLD - he's asked us to mail directly to him, and let us configure it remotely. I objected, telling him that it would be a nightmare, but he was desperate, so we relented.
Big fucking mistake.
It took me about 5 hours of fucking around just to get it to join the domain (turns out that Windows doesn't like ip6 when joining a domain). When I finally got it on the domain (this was all happening at the same time as we were discovering just how big the fraud was from ChocolateStarfish, so it was a crazy day), I discovered that the new laptop didn't have Office 2007 on it. This was a surprise, but not a problem - I told TFF to look in his office for a Office 2007 install CD, and that we would use his old Office key from his old laptop.
TFF didn't like this, but he had no choice (while tempted, I didn't mention that it was essentially his fault for not letting us double check the laptop here), so he went on his treasure hunt. About two minutes after I told him to look for it, I found the Office installer on the QLD network drive. I was very busy with the ChocolateStarfish fraud stuff, so I let TFF keep on searching - I did my fraud "hacking", got back to TFF, then told him that I had the installer anyway (he couldn't find the CD after ~10mins of searching), and that we could proceed.
He said "Fuck this!!", went offline and stormed out of the office. The QLD admin lady skyped me, asking "What's going on?!". At this point we all (iOrgasm, PonyGirl, and myself) decide that this particular problem can wait until after the weekend.
*Monday*
I'm in, somewhat earlier than usual, waiting for TFF to get online so I can finish this Office install. I'm busy with fraud stuff still - hearing just how much money we've lost really says just how big this fraud was - but since I'm such a nice guy (really!), I'm trying to get this install done ASAP. TFF, when he finally gets on Skype, is actually still in a bitchy mood, complaining that he doesn't have time for this "fucking shit", that we "treat him like shit", etc etc. I phone him to try and diffuse the situation (we're talking about 8 mins of lost work time here with the CD hunt), but he's busy packing up his new laptop to send down to us to finish configuring - he "really just can't be fucking dealing with it" anymore, and wants us to do it, even though it will cost him about 5 days of freight time.
I finally get through to him, and with me playing the diplomat, being all nice, trying to get this done so I can continue with the fraud stuff - I convince him to let me log into his laptop, so I can finish the Office install. As the installer is running - TFF had actually packed up his laptop in a box and was ready to post, I had to convince him to unpack it so I can do the install - I hear a beep. The Office install had failed, as the installer on the network drive is missing a lot of required files.
As soon as I saw the error message, I knew I was fucked. I explained to TFF the problem, that I could send up a CD within a couple of days/network copy the files up, but he, quite calmly (I knew he was on the edge), explained that the laptop was coming down to us, no matter what.
Not the greatest day.
---
Later on, I found out that the BigBoss's brother-in-law (who works for us, in the same) had informed one of the co-conspirators (yup, it's not just ChocolateStarfish, there's more!) in the NSW office about the fact that we knew about their dodgy second company, thus giving them time to delete important evidence, files, etc.
Just keeps getting better and better.
TheFuckingFucker (TFF) has finally received a new work laptop. He's been waiting for this for about 6 months; he's utterly convinced that his current laptop is dying, and that he needs a new one "RIGHT FUCKING NOW". Now that it's finally arrived, he can't wait for us to configure it in our VIC office and then send to QLD - he's asked us to mail directly to him, and let us configure it remotely. I objected, telling him that it would be a nightmare, but he was desperate, so we relented.
Big fucking mistake.
It took me about 5 hours of fucking around just to get it to join the domain (turns out that Windows doesn't like ip6 when joining a domain). When I finally got it on the domain (this was all happening at the same time as we were discovering just how big the fraud was from ChocolateStarfish, so it was a crazy day), I discovered that the new laptop didn't have Office 2007 on it. This was a surprise, but not a problem - I told TFF to look in his office for a Office 2007 install CD, and that we would use his old Office key from his old laptop.
TFF didn't like this, but he had no choice (while tempted, I didn't mention that it was essentially his fault for not letting us double check the laptop here), so he went on his treasure hunt. About two minutes after I told him to look for it, I found the Office installer on the QLD network drive. I was very busy with the ChocolateStarfish fraud stuff, so I let TFF keep on searching - I did my fraud "hacking", got back to TFF, then told him that I had the installer anyway (he couldn't find the CD after ~10mins of searching), and that we could proceed.
He said "Fuck this!!", went offline and stormed out of the office. The QLD admin lady skyped me, asking "What's going on?!". At this point we all (iOrgasm, PonyGirl, and myself) decide that this particular problem can wait until after the weekend.
*Monday*
I'm in, somewhat earlier than usual, waiting for TFF to get online so I can finish this Office install. I'm busy with fraud stuff still - hearing just how much money we've lost really says just how big this fraud was - but since I'm such a nice guy (really!), I'm trying to get this install done ASAP. TFF, when he finally gets on Skype, is actually still in a bitchy mood, complaining that he doesn't have time for this "fucking shit", that we "treat him like shit", etc etc. I phone him to try and diffuse the situation (we're talking about 8 mins of lost work time here with the CD hunt), but he's busy packing up his new laptop to send down to us to finish configuring - he "really just can't be fucking dealing with it" anymore, and wants us to do it, even though it will cost him about 5 days of freight time.
I finally get through to him, and with me playing the diplomat, being all nice, trying to get this done so I can continue with the fraud stuff - I convince him to let me log into his laptop, so I can finish the Office install. As the installer is running - TFF had actually packed up his laptop in a box and was ready to post, I had to convince him to unpack it so I can do the install - I hear a beep. The Office install had failed, as the installer on the network drive is missing a lot of required files.
As soon as I saw the error message, I knew I was fucked. I explained to TFF the problem, that I could send up a CD within a couple of days/network copy the files up, but he, quite calmly (I knew he was on the edge), explained that the laptop was coming down to us, no matter what.
Not the greatest day.
---
Later on, I found out that the BigBoss's brother-in-law (who works for us, in the same) had informed one of the co-conspirators (yup, it's not just ChocolateStarfish, there's more!) in the NSW office about the fact that we knew about their dodgy second company, thus giving them time to delete important evidence, files, etc.
Just keeps getting better and better.
Thursday, May 5, 2011
The F Word.
Today is a good day.
ChocolateStarfish is someone I don't think I've mentioned before. Basically he's a dodgy whore - apart from his questionable sales techniques (his actual job is National Sales Manager), his general work attitude, relationship skills and demeanour have made him pretty much the most hated person in the entire company. Nicknames for him range from quite funny, to full-on insults. Also, he has rancid breath - petty, I know, but holy fucking balls it's bad.
Anyway, for quite some time, our sales figures have been falling. No-one can offer a good explanation; clients have been backing out on us, or simply not getting back to us. We haven't been finding out why, and we're losing a lot of money because of it. As the National Sales Manager, it's his job to find out why - but he's always been avoiding the issues. Since he's the favoured employee of the BigBoss, there hasn't been much we can do.
Until now.
One of our clients called us up about a credit card charge enquiry, asking why they had been charged from Company X instead of Company Y. MidgetGirl'sMum (assistant to ShakespeareAccount) was also very confused - she had never heard of us trading as Company X, and had no knowledge of who they are. She mentions to iOrgasm about this, who goes onto Company X's website - which has ChocolateStarfish's details
It all snowballed from there. ChocolateStarfish had been full on rorting us - stealing our customers from our database, undercutting our quotes, ripping off templates/documents/etc, and has set up his own business, directly competing with us while working for us. To top it off, there was some real credit card fraud - he had charged a customer's CC for his first class flight international flight.
All of this came via reading his emails; he had used his work account to run his other business, thinking that nothing could go wrong (giggle). iOrgasm had asked me to get into his account, to find out what he was doing - instead, I showed him how to "hack his emails" (reset his password, log in via the webmail interface). iOrgasm now thinks I'm an awesome hacker, and everyone thinks that I was involved in getting rid of one of the most hated employees ever to come through here.
Now we just have to fnd out just how deep this all goes, but still - it's always good to do something good for your employer.
ChocolateStarfish is someone I don't think I've mentioned before. Basically he's a dodgy whore - apart from his questionable sales techniques (his actual job is National Sales Manager), his general work attitude, relationship skills and demeanour have made him pretty much the most hated person in the entire company. Nicknames for him range from quite funny, to full-on insults. Also, he has rancid breath - petty, I know, but holy fucking balls it's bad.
Anyway, for quite some time, our sales figures have been falling. No-one can offer a good explanation; clients have been backing out on us, or simply not getting back to us. We haven't been finding out why, and we're losing a lot of money because of it. As the National Sales Manager, it's his job to find out why - but he's always been avoiding the issues. Since he's the favoured employee of the BigBoss, there hasn't been much we can do.
Until now.
One of our clients called us up about a credit card charge enquiry, asking why they had been charged from Company X instead of Company Y. MidgetGirl'sMum (assistant to ShakespeareAccount) was also very confused - she had never heard of us trading as Company X, and had no knowledge of who they are. She mentions to iOrgasm about this, who goes onto Company X's website - which has ChocolateStarfish's details
It all snowballed from there. ChocolateStarfish had been full on rorting us - stealing our customers from our database, undercutting our quotes, ripping off templates/documents/etc, and has set up his own business, directly competing with us while working for us. To top it off, there was some real credit card fraud - he had charged a customer's CC for his first class flight international flight.
All of this came via reading his emails; he had used his work account to run his other business, thinking that nothing could go wrong (giggle). iOrgasm had asked me to get into his account, to find out what he was doing - instead, I showed him how to "hack his emails" (reset his password, log in via the webmail interface). iOrgasm now thinks I'm an awesome hacker, and everyone thinks that I was involved in getting rid of one of the most hated employees ever to come through here.
Now we just have to fnd out just how deep this all goes, but still - it's always good to do something good for your employer.
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