Porn in the Sunshine state.

TheFuckingFucker from the QLD office calls me up and...well.

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TheFuckingFucker: "Our internet is slow! Like, really really fucking slow!!"
Me: "Ok, let's have a look...looks like everyone's slow....hmmm...ok, let me check the ISP..."
TheFuckingFucker: "The...uh....ISP? Don't we have an unlimited quota?" (Something is wrong, he's not swearing)
Me: "Er, nope, you have 30gb for the month, and we've never gone over that limit before, and now there's only 3 people in the QLD office, so it shouldn't be an issue, but let me just double check...."
TheFuckingFucker: "Um...30gb huh...."
Me: "Ah. Your office has gone over the limit within 12 working days...and it looks like someone downloaded 17gigs of data last Wednesday...even after work hours..."
TheFuckingFucker: "Oh...really...I wonder who..."

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Felt really good to prove it's not our fault :3 I'm sure I haven't heard the last of this!

It's not supposed to be doing that.

You know it's going to be a bad day when you walk in and OldOfficeLady goes "Oh hi, about 6 people have called for you!". PonyGirl, our head IT contractor, was not-so-strangely absent. (it's a guy, has a ponytail, is at least 35 years old, and deserves it).

Our Remote Desktop server had been restarted last night (critical update, http://www.theage.com.au/technology/security/microsoft-patches-critical-crack-in-windows-operating-system-20100803-114az.html). All well and good, but PonyGirl forgot to remind me (or himself!) that the server's config requires a button press to continue boot up (ala "Press F1 to continue!"). I boggle at why the fuck this is so.

In fact, I tend to boggle a lot. It's a pretty awesome word!

I had hoped that would stop the torrents of calls, but not so.

PonyGirl can't tell difference between AM and PM, and our domain controller decides to restart itself at 9:30 this morning for some scheduled thing. Queue another 10 calls saying "Yea my e-mail is asking for a password!". 

At least I had a chance to show off my true professionalism - when you walk into the server room, turn on the monitor for the domain controller, and see "Windows is shutting down..." and you DON'T automatically say "What the fuck?!" in front of your boss.

Today can only get better...I hope.

Russians are threatening war, Mr. President!

AngryRussian must be stuck in the Cold War era. It's the only way I can explain his paranoia and general asshole-ness. This saga took place over the weekend, where I don't get paid for any work I do. Apparently in Soviet Russia, weekends work you.

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--
30th July, Friday Afternoon 4:30ish (who really wants to take calls at this time)
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AngryRussian: "I can't connect to my work e-mail from home!! WTF! FUCKING MICROSOFT IS GAY! AT MY OLD WORKPLACE WE BLAHBLA-"
Me: "Ok, go to web e-mail, open this link, I'll take remote control."
AngryRussian: "Sigh how the fuck do I do that?"
Me: "Go to this address - https://workdomainname/remote...make sure you get the S in https."
AngryRussian: "Sorry, what? An x?"
Me: "S. S for sydney."
AngryRussian: "S for sydney?"
Me: "Yup!"
AngryRussian: "...It's not working, the server must be down, for fucks sake!"
Me: "Er, it's up, can you repeat the address you've typed in please?"
AngryRussian: "httpsforsydney://workdomainname/remote"
Me: "..........."
AngryRussian: "Fucking computers!"

I go through the process of telling him the address, get him to follow the link in the e-mail, and I take remote control.

Me: "Ok...you're not getting any e-mails in Outlook at home because you're not connected to the VPN."
AngryRussian: "VPN? You mean the Internet? I'm connected!"
Me: "If you want your e-mail in your Outlook client at home, you'll need to connect to the VPN first, then you'll get your e-mails."
AngryRussian: "Jesus fucking christ, more connections?!"
Me: "Let me set this up for you, ok? You understand that you'll have to click on <desktop shortcut> first, ok?"
AngryRussian: "Yea yea ok bye."

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Saturday morning (9am on the fucking dot, don't you people have lives?!)
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AngryRussian: "I CAN'T GET E-MAIL WHY"
Me: "Did you connect to the VPN?"
AngryRussian: "The what!?"

*Explains the process again*

AngryRussian: "OK THANKS jesus so much fucking around aye!?"

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Sunday
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Stayed in bed all day and didn't answer my phone. Someone tried to call, I did not look, nor care.

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Morning morning
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AngryRussian: "Hey where you been?"
Me: "..............unwell." (AVOIDING YOU, YOU FUCK)
AngryRussian: "Yea, me too! I've got kidney stones, man these fuckers hurt"
Me: "what's up?"
AngryRussian: "I haven't gotten any e-mail in my Outlook!"

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I WILL DESTROY YOUR FUCKING KIDNEYS YOU FUCK